moving on/stages of

和你再多的銘記
抱憾未能再飛
相擁不再美

曾經想當個好情人

舍身成仁

還愛你愛到往下沉

當愛著你 失去自己

誰人話愛也要一種運氣

若要犧牲 方能擁吻

無法一起再同渡半生
明知愛也要走
留低卻更荒謬

就算我對你還著緊
亦無耐性陪你

浪費多十秒傷心

明白我決意走 把你傷透
從此刻 各有路要走

揮別錯的才能和對的相逢

妳說妳不怕分手　

只有點遺憾難過

自私的給我自由 回憶已足夠

也許我們都忽略　

互相傷害之外的感覺

.

.

.

如果你決定跟隨感覺　

為愛勇敢一次　

只要你也一樣的肯定

我願意天涯海角都隨你去

我知道一切不容易

如果你說我們有彼此

♥︎

excess baggage

/

i was in the process of another blog when i hit 

writers block just four measly sentences in.

i looked around my room.

by the way, 

that's all i have at the moment -

a room.

a room i am very grateful for.

i've been feeling like such a nomad these couple of years,

always looking for somewhere new to put my stuff....

temporarily.

during that big step in my life when i called it quits to 8 years,

i realised how much stuff i had accumulated.

it was quite a significant amount.

polaroid pictures took up space, clothes took up space,

random bits and pieces took up space,

childhood/teenage memorabilia 

that i brought into adulthood took up even more space.

ancient past, old past, new past cramming into my present.

when moving out of my childhood home in kam tin, 

i already threw away so much of the stuff

i thought i'd keep forever.

when i was preparing to leave the UK 

(again)

(for the second time in my life)

(wtf is this pattern)

i already threw away so much of the stuff

i thought i'd keep forever.

i put all the stuff i wanted to come back to in a closet,

everything else left in my drawers,

i grabbed a big black bin bag and threw everything in.

i could buy those leggings again some other time.
and seriously though,
 how many notebooks does one person need?

3 suitcases, 2 backpacks later

i was at gatwick and 25kg over the baggage weight limit.

i was fucked.

the lovely staff asked me what i wanted to do,

and at that moment i knew i had to do it again. 

throw away so much of the stuff

i thought i'd keep forever.

my first pair of dr. martens i bought at 16 

that my dad thought were leather but were in fact latex 

yet he still polished them anyway so they lost their shine

which suited me just fine - i actually liked them more that way.

my favourite military green menswear sweater,

sweatshirts, even the ones we had printed together,

maybe 2?3 pairs? of vans that i hardly ever wore too.

there were more, not just clothing that i had to reevaluate.

and to be honest, 

looking back 

i don't even remember most of the stuff that i packed

but i scooped them all up as one big human claw,

and chucked them all into the airport bin.

why did i choose to take those items with me in the first place?

it was a case of 'would you rather' and only up until the moment

when you had someone pointing a gun to your head,
or more so the question of
"are you willing to pay £2000 for all your excess baggage?"

do you finally force yourself to dig deep into your head, heart

and in this case, your luggage

to realise that it really was what it was -

excess baggage.

after repeatedly telling every staff member i met that

'i just want to go home' 

i was finally on the plane,

head, heart and suitcase all significantly lighter.

now i'm here.

4 months later.

i looked around my room.

and goddamnit,

where the fuck did all this new stuff come from?

i already threw away so much of the stuff

i thought i'd keep forever.

.

.

.

/

this blog reminds me of my forever ongoing short story

<chapter one: no pieces>

"There was not much left of her possessions or her belongings. 

Not much to posses and not much to belong to."

one, forever.

so as always,

things happen

which mess with my priorities.

i haven't updated my youtube channel

as much as I hoped nor have i

updated my blog as much as i hoped.

which sucks

i know.

it eats at me everyday while i do other things.

trying to maintain active in social media

is easy but also a struggle at the same time.

i'm not quite sure how to explain it.

my current habitat messes with my priorities.

so many different opportunities and experiences,

i'm greedy.

i want to experience it all.

and i wont settle for one.

just the thought of choosing only one path for my future

terrifies me.

the young me and old me inside me

screaming out for me to make good choices.

how can one just be a realtor for ever?

how can one just be a photographer for ever?

how can one just be journalist for ever?

how can one just be a teacher for ever?

how can one just dog walker for ever?

how can one just be an assistant for ever?

how can one just be a cafe shop owner for ever?

how can one just be a manager for ever?

forever might not be forever, i know.

but anything over 6 months qualifies as forever in my books.

why can't i try everything?

dabble in everything.

i like this and that too.

why do i have to choose just one?

just be one.

why are there only 24 hours in a day,

why must i be in a position from 9-5/6pm with 1hr lunch,

5 working days in a week and 2 days of a weekend?

you're considered one of the lucky ones

if you know what you want to do with your life.

you're certain, positive of that one role

you can be

day in & day out.

you love your job.

your one and only role

your one and only source 

for income.

lucky you.

i want to do this, i want to do that.

can i make money from this and money from that??

i don't need a lot but my bills say i do.

ARGHGRAGHARHGR.

my priorities are already messed up,

nothing will be fixed by the time i wake up.

I'll deal with it tomorrow.

at least for now,

i've updated my blog.

-

.

.

.

Shout Out To My Ex

Dear exs, dear you. 

Don’t worry.

I don’t love you anymore.

Cos, i mean, c’mon…

that would be creepy.

but

I still remember the feeling of youth

and how easily i fell for each of you.

Now that I’m older,

just thinking about it makes me…ugh.

Dear boys, dear you.

I fell for you, the boy in a band,

the boy with the guitar and bass.

The boy in the football club,

the boys who never got to 3rd base.

Dear exes, dear you.

You’ve ruined song lyrics and movies,

certain places and diary entries.

We were both there, made some memories.

Even though you were my past, 

you’ve contaminate my history.

Dear boys, dear you.

My optimistic young love was based on 

fantasies and fiction.

However,

Young girls like me forgot about reality 

and all its disheartening contradictions. 

A mirage of Jesse McCartneys in the distance,

but up close, 

you were far from my romantic expectations.

Under optimistic young loves persistence,

I took what I could get and morphed it into existence. 

You said ’I love you’, 

it wasn’t real, 

you hadn’t a clue.

Then

I said it back,

I guess I lied too.

Dear exes, dear you.

You broke my heart,

I might have broken yours a little bit too.

But who were we kidding?

In reality,

our hearts never even cracked,

let alone split in two.

Ah… youth.

Dear boys, dear you,

I met you at school,

I met you through a friend.

I met you online,

Oh the days of MSN.

A few of you I still cherish 

Valuable lessons, here and there

The others I learnt nothing

Yet in a way they made me who i am.

Dear exes, dear you

We’ve lost touch,

that’s just the way things go.

Some of you are even fathers now.

Which, lets be honest,

makes me feel quite old.

16 seems so far away

but I swear to god, 

wasn’t it just yesterday?

Dear boys, dear you.

I really thought you were cute.

I’m sorry I made you believe,

I was worth the pursuit. 

See, there was always something in me

that never felt quite right

18 years it took me

to correct that oversight.

In the most simplest terms, 

that I can convey 

I just didn’t or ever could like boys

in that way.

So to end this,

Dear exes, dear you.

An insignificant spec in your memory,

I may be.

I’d just like to take this chance to say

thank you,

Sincerely me.

🎞

英國趣事 / uk stories - 002

You know,

sometimes

I wish I were a Sim.

So I could choose to have the 

'ambitious' trait.

Then I wouldn't be so

god damn lazy.

.

.

.

趣事; tsui si

英國趣事 / uk 'tsui si' / uk stories

I'd like to start a series of blogs about the fun and interesting stories

that have or may happen during my time here in the, 

soon not to be, 

United Kingdom.

🇬🇧
*
「 The Theif 」

This 'tsui si' happened about 5 months ago.
Yes,
well done Asha for being so goddamn late again.


Location:
Rosa's
Carnaby Street, London

I was with Caro and Katherine.
Chilling and having overpriced,
non-authentic Thai food.

#shade

We were in the indoor area,
safe from shoppers, their noisy chatter
and their nosey looks at our plates.

So we were chatting away.

okay,
fine.
Maybe not chatting.
Probably poking at our phones.
Too comfortable in each others company.

Aren't we all?

So at one particular moment,
we all happened to look outside the window.
Observing the other humans having lunch.

And
there were these 2 girls,
most likely tourists,
sitting right by
the short restaurant barriers.

Those barriers that help keep a 'distance'...
more like,
'encourage' some distance
between patrons and passerby's.

Practically useless barriers.

And at that very moment -
an asshole on a bike sped past.
In one swift movement
snatched up one of their purses.

Everyone witnessed this tragedy take place
in slow motion.

A millisecond after it happened,
some stood up and gasped.
Unsure of whether to help the poor girl,
to reassure the poor girl
or
to pretend nothing happened/mind their own business
and carry on with their meals.

Others, like us, stared at each other.
Feeling just as useless as those barriers.

I suspect before coming to London town,
she clearly misinterpreted London
as the safest, friendliest city on the planet.

She doesn't anymore.

This event, however,
strengthened my own personal argument
on Hong Kong being the best home city ever.

Back to the story,
Before another millisecond went by,
a man in the crowd sprinted towards the thief.
He didn't come with her,
didn't know her.
He just reacted.
He helped her.

Let me first help you all paint a picture -

Luck be a crowd.

Carnaby Street,
in summer.
Tourists everywhere.
This asshole/thief,
was on a bike.

Somehow,
this criminal mastermind thought
he could quickly manoeuvre through a dense crowd.

.

.

.

Needless to say,

he didn't get too far.

And the nameless hero who went after him,

got the lady's purse back.

As all my UK stories,

I learned something from this.

1. Never leave your personal belongings out in public

2. London is crawling with pickpockets

3. London is filled with civilian heroes

4. Rosa's thai food is overpriced

-
And that was that.

job interview

The first Monday of July 2016

was an exciting day.

Finally, 

after a month since landing in London Town - 

I had my first job interview. 

Now if you’re thinking - 

“Wow asha, 

you’re such a slacker. lazy much? 

just this one interview in the whole of 30 days? 

shame Asha, 

shame.’

Ahem,

I will have you know that

 I have sent out more than 20+ job applications, 

customised/personalised cover letters 

to companies I had no interest in applying to. 

But hey, 

girl’s gotta pay rent.

😅

I have also received many rejection e’mails, 

I would more than love to forget about.

Ugh...

Reminding me, 

I’m not qualified, 

I lack experience,

not thoroughly educated enough. 

Thanks.

Yet on the first Monday of July 2016, 

I finally got my first ever job interview. 

I’ve done embarrassing castings, 

I’ve been to teaching position job interviews, 

all in hong kong, 

all non-terrifying. 

But 

 this time

.

.
.

This time

it was London.

This was a studio assistant job position. 

This was 'gwai lo' territory.

I don’t know if any of you watched my ‘leave your comfort zone’ video… 

actually I’m not sure if I mentioned this.. 

I think I did… 

well I think those who went to the meet n greet back in HK know this. 

That

I wanted to get an assistant job in London. 

I wanted one SO BAD.

It was like… a dream job. 

To me. 

Crazy,
I know.

Makes no sense.

No logical,
rational,
sane
24 year old
would voluntarily WANT to be an assistant.

Maybe I've watched 'The Devil Wears Prada'

too many times.

Too many.

I just always thought I'd make a pretty good assistant.

Especially if it was in an industry I was 

hopefully familiar with.

I didn't put much thought into it before heading out the house.

Studio life, 

subtle fashion, 

clean should do.

Right?

Simple.

No skirt, 

heavy makeup,

heels.

Nothing fancy.

Just my kind of thing.

Black sweatshirt, 

black jeans, 

Vans.

♥

Out the door. 

Flatmate gives me a quick look

and says

'That's what you're wearing?

To an interview?'

I start doubting my fashion choice.

She had a point. 

It was an interview.

But then, 

it was a pretty cool studio.

But..

it was an interview.

Fuck.

I went for it.

This wasn't Hong Kong.

This wasn't an 'office' job.

This wasn't corporate.

Flatmate couldn't be right.

Bless her.

So I left the house.

And

I got the job.

-

[A]

英國趣事 / uk tsui si - 001

hello all,
i am back.
👋🏼

趣事; tsui si

英國趣事 / uk 'tsui si' / uk stories

I'd like to start a series of blogs about the fun and interesting stories

that have or may happen during my time here in the, 

soon not to be, 

United Kingdom.

🇬🇧
*

「 The Refreshment Incident 」

So my first 'tsui si'
was on the day all our crap from HK had arrived.

It took about 2-3 months via sea freight,

in total 50 boxes including small dining table, chairs etc.

The team at Baggagexs (not sponsored, duh) was absolutely great. 

If anyone needs to relocate, I fully recommend them.

Anyway, 

back to my tsui si - 

Doorbell rang, 

cp went and gathered the cats into a room for safekeeping,

and I went to open the door. 

Two middle aged gwai lo's 

(Canto slang for westerners) 

were patiently waiting.

They cautiously went up and down the stairs with our boxes,

until our what used to be empty living room, 

was filled up from floor to ceiling

with boxes.

I then realised that I was a terrible host.

I had completely forgotten to offer any form of refreshments.

I am actually an introvert,

and avoid human contact if at all possible. 

If not, 

my acting skills are quite up to par 

when needed to come across as a

seemingly functioning adult.

So I did what my HK cultural upbringing would usual do -

I offered them

water.

💧

'Would you guys like a glass of water?'

I offer.

The bigger guy looks at me as if I had said something

rude 

(?)

He could tell by my bright eyed, deer in headlights gaze 

that I had no idea.

He then so replied:

'A cup of tea would be nice.'

 ☕️

The culture shock finally hit after just 2 weeks in London.

Tea.

Of course tea!

Rookie mistake. 

I was in England afterall. 

Tea is always to be expected.

So it finally occurred to me 

that I may have actually insulted him

by offering him my common tap water.

Well now I know.

So we put the kettle on, prepared the mugs, 

and asked if they wanted milk and sugar in their teas.

Wouldn't want to make another rookie mistake

by smugly assuming how much milk and sugar they used

...

I believe we've all learned a valuable lesson here today.

Remember darlings, 

tea.

Always tea.

-

And that was that.

'sup?

i'm thinking that my blog updates are the only thing i have failed on my vision board....

i really should reflect on this....

anyway... i will be vlogging this moment in a second but just so I WRITE SOMETHING ON HERE, you, whoever is reading this, will know first hand that i am flying to the Philippines to surprise my parents later this morning!! (it is currently 1:11am... i need to be on a bus at 5am....hmmm) I don't think any sleep will be done on my part as I haven't even packed.

So yeah, I will be vlogging my entire week with them :) Hopefully my cousin remembers to pick me up. I really don't feel like being stranded at a Philippine airport.

please see attached picture of moi as my gratitude that you have read my blog. mind you, it's a really oldish picture. I mean old, I mean the time I was in Singapore for Netflix Asia end of March, so relatively out of date. But it has been seen no where else, so ta da - a secondhand-mermaid selfie exclusive!

you're welcome.

ok, now i need to pack.

JAL = love

This blog post entry is 4 months late,

but you know me,

better late than never.

So the 4-months-ago-Asha wanted to write a blog

about this holy airline :

*que heavenly music*

Now why this airline impacted me so that I HAD to review it?

It's because never have I ever flew economy

and felt like I was given a 4-5 star service.

The whole experience was just exceptional,

it was so blatantly obvious that the Japanese have got it right

and all the other airlines with their economy seating are rip offs.

This flight took place when we were flying from NYC to Japan

for our 4hr layover then Japan to HKG.

Apparently,

JAL and AA are sister airlines so to be completely honest

I wasn't expecting much.

Before I continue,

let me state that I am in no way sponsored or paid by JAL

to kiss their ass.

I am doing this completely out of the sheer love I have of them

after that one experience.

let the rain of compliments begin:

let me first start off with the cutest inflight entertainment and such.

do you see the 'inflight exercises' option?!

DO YOU?!

How cute is that?!?!?!

What airline provides that?

What airline, what country, what culture even cares about that?!

America?

Hong Kong?

China?

England?

Thailand?

Philippines?

No.

JAPAN.

THATS WHO.

Ugh,

Already so impressed with the attentiveness on screen.

And when you press the button to call for assistance,

cabin crew practically fly to you with a smile on their faces.

Their service is just so on point.

How can one airline be so perfect?!

😩Let's move on,

first thing you notice is the goddamn LEG ROOM!

JUST LOOK AT IT!

I'm 5'8 (173cm) and my dad is 6'1 (185cm)

needless to say this was our most comfortable economy 8-9hr flight ever.

here are my legs stretching forward,

look how my knees are so far away from the seat in front of me!!

these picture are to demonstrate how wide I can spread em.

there is just so much spaceeeee.

(even 4 months late and I am still amazed)

this picture is self-explanatory.
will you just look at that legroom!?!?!?!?!

we got offered green tea which was my first time drinking green tea mid air.

usually I ask for apple juice or coke but not for this flight.

hell no.

it was green tea after take off, during lunch and dinner and right before we landed.

green tea, green tea, green mother flipping tea.

YES JAPAN. YES.

girlfriend thought I was too overjoyed and was embarrassed to sit next to me.

BUT GREEN TEA AND GREAT AIRLINE THOUGH!!!

Moving on...

So you know how during dinner on airplanes,

they roll the trolley by and mumble what's on the menu 

and you just reply with whatever has the meat you prefer,

hoping for the best that you don't regret it

then covet your neighbours inflight meal choice instead.

Everyone take note,

Here is how JAL does it.

THEY PRESENT YOU WITH A MENU WITH PICTURES.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE GETTING.

No surprises!!

Therefore, you can make a calm and informed decision.

If this hasn't won you over by now,

I feel sorry for you.

You heartless human being.

This is what I got and it was glory with a cup of miso soup on the side.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Mum and dad even got a small bottle of wine EACH.
😚 cuttteeeeeee 😚

bringing it back slightly,

when we were flying from HK to America 

my dad complained about the plastic cutlery that was provided during meals.

He said he lacked class and he felt like a child or convict,

so those flights did not get the Cuthbert stamp of approval.

Me?
I honestly didn't think much of it.

Cutlery was cutlery to me until JAL came into my life
and showed me how
you can eat like a respectable and civilized being in economy class.

METAL!

BEAUTIFUL METAL!

It actually came as quite a shock.

I had been so accustomed to plastic everything that

holding cutlery with some weight to it seemed unnatural.

But by god was it impressive.
JAL trusts you, JAL believes in you.
They know you won't go knifing the person next to you.
They want you to eat like an adult and they let you.
😚😚😚😚😚😚The next unbelievable thing that I had yet experience

until JAL came into my life.
This unbelievable thing
was that the aircraft had no window shade.
NO.
WINDOW.
SHADE.

As I was not sitting by the window
I was confused at first at this sight:

until this happened:

There were adjustable buttons so that you could control
the colour of the shade/filter and minimise sun light!
This made so much sense!!!!!!!!!
You've paid to be in the air,
so why need window shades??!

you can see the different shades in the last picture -

it was bright af outside but you could dim your window completely

and still see outside without the blinding glare of the sun!!!

It was just such a nice touch so that

you wouldn't feel trapped in a confined space.

utterly brilliant.

to the toilet!

The JAL toilet was the most spacious economy toilet

i've ever pooped in.

All set with your typical, run of the mill Japanese auto-toilet.

I use it every time.

How can you not?

So yeah that's pretty much it for this blog.

I can't wait for my next JAL long haul flight.

I love you JAL,

I really do.

x

[A]

nyc 2015

shamefully,

i don't have many pictures to put in this blog.

and it's been a few weeks since I've been back from nyc

so i don't quite remember what i did.

i really should have written this blog earlier.

we only had 5ish days to do what we had to do in nyc.

we had finally conquered being disgustingly jet lagged,

and my dad was still convinced he knew nyc like a local.

we proved him wrong.

HA.

he apparently had only ever travelled around the upper east + west side

and only used the same line of the subway.

dad thinks he's posh so i like to challenge him,

daily.

once we crossed the brooklyn bridge,

my dad could have been in vietnam for all i care

as he was a total

and complete stranger to everything.

(love you dad)

so we pretty much had to take them to most places,
time consuming but at least i didn't lose them.

-

my first impression of new york,

which lasted 2 whole days

is that

I

didn't

like it

at

all.

It's dirty, dodgy & deceitful.

1. dirty = some streets, mainly subway stations absolutely NASTY.

2. dodgy = again mainly subways with their faulty ticket turnstiles

3. deceitful = i almost got kidnapped (more details below)

i don't know if it was because of living in hong kong,

or the countless american movies i've watch that caused me to

have such high hopes and standards for the city.

ps. you can tell a lot about a city by it's underground transport

which is why HK is the love of my life.

i missed the stench of chlorine and bleach,

i missed the constant reminder of sanitation around me.

maybe i was homesick too,

the deafening screams and screeches of the train made me uncomfortable.

cold and distant, i didn't feel anything positive the first few days of being in nyc.

never had i felt the expression 'dog eat dog world' more truly than here.

however, i did get over myself. (lol)

HK had basically just spoiled me rotten, 

with its benefits, sanitation and compulsory compassion.

nyc was the nitty gritty - grubby to say the least 

but i guess it was exactly the whole charm of the city.

so different and dirty yet so alive.

there was a pulse to the city that i don't feel in HK.

wait,

does HK even have a pulse?

in HK,
hopes and dreams are usually stifled then snuffed.

or

~if you want a dream 

you better follow the steps of this government issued leaflet. 

thank you for your co-operation~

but in NYC,
 despite the grubby coldness,
people still tried and did their own thing.

HK = limited

NYC = limitless

does that make sense... to anyone...?

ok now i'm just rabbling and trying to make myself sound poetic.

back to the blog.

This was our hotel just outside of williamsburg

not the most convenient but certainly one of the best service.

they were awesome.

then one day dad dragged us to the empire state building despite our disapproval.

we wanted to go to the one world trade centre but dad wanted to go down memory lane.

note: dad thought ticket prices were the same as 50-60 years ago and only $2 usd each.

he was strongly mistaken.

needless to say dad paid for the tickets.

thanks dad.

me, caro and my mum were a bit underwhelmed...

i mean, it's just buildings... like... we've seen buildings before

and to be honest, i find buildings way more interesting from the ground

than looking down on them from the 86th floor.

dad was happy though.

☝

us young city folk not impressed with said view.

about previously mentioned attempted kidnaping:

we were outside barnes & nobles waiting for our requested uber,

when a severely beaten up black car pulls up to the pavement (sidewalk, if you must).

Me, being the naive-easily-kidnaped type of gal, walks up to said vehicle,

the driver inside then holds up a green, laminated, homemade 'UBER' sign to the window.

If i had a drop of street smarts, 

I obviously would have had alert signals going off in my head and told him to kindly

piss off.

However, I had no such smarts.

I was all prepared to trust in humanity and mother karma 

to not let anything bad happen to me while

optimistically hopping into this strange mans, wannabe Uber car.

Thankfully, 

my girlfriend supervises me in life when i cannot 

and yanked me back before i could make anymore life threatening decisions.

our actual uber eventually came and we got home safely.

life lesson:

always double check the license plate number,

see if they know your name

(cos they should if they have the app)

and see if they can confirm the destination you put in the app.

-

after complying and completing all of my parents shopping + directional needs,

we eventually had free time to just mindlessly wonder around ny.

☝ I met up with the most fab headpiece designer Gloria Yu

then as fate would have it, 

unexpectedly bumped into model friend from hk Ben Cimmerbeck ☝

one of the best parts was meeting up with my high school bff michelle

who(whom?) i hadn't seen in...4-5 years???

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I mean, come onnnn

you can tell nothing but age has changed between us

when you still stand on the same side of each other when you take a picture!!!!!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

all of the above made nyc feel a bit more like home :)

-

i did a lot of skincare product shopping as you would know

if you've watched my latest youtube video.
*hint hint*
i also bought things that were not skin product related which is the first part of the video,
so just watch the first half and close the window when
i start the horribly narrated beauty review.

i will be disappoint if you haven't at least tried to watch the first 3 minutes.
(AT LEAST)..

on our last proper day we went to central park

which was/is glorious and restored my faith in humanity and all that is good in the world.

♥

.

.

.

so yeah,

that's it for the US blogs.

hope you've enjoyed reading them.

i know my story telling/writing methods are unorthodox,

but it's more fun that way.

i'll leave you with the X large version of my parents on a rock in central park

due to the fact my mums enthusiasm is priceless.

x

[A]