for the girls / part. dos


growing up

helloooo ladies,
this time I want to take you back,
way back.
to bring you to how this girl
became this 23 year old girl.
So if you've been making,
what seems like,

Don't worry,
I probably made them too.

You wore something completely horrid
in public?
That's fine,
I still do.

I know
it doesn't seem like a very christmasy sort of blog
but I'm sick.
I keep taking pills every 4 hours that make me drowsy.
and in a way, it is almost 2015.
a great time to reflect on the past,
to take a peek into the future
and share embarrassing ancient photos of me
to you all.

Let me start you off easy.
I wasn't always like this (see pictures below)
like I knew what I was wearing?


Let you in a little secret.
The outfit I'm wearing in the first picture
was sponsored, and I had to return it.

In the Alexander Wang event pictures,
I went around Hong Kong scrambling through affordable shops,
two hours before the event might I add,
looking for a decent outfit that would say
"it doesn't look H&M but it's definitely not a McQueen"
It was from Zara.
The heels on the other hand
were in fact from H&M.

Sweating in a public toilet,
in the disabled persons cubicle
plastering on layers of makeup
trying to make my 10 minute deadline to the event.

Moving along.
We've established that I was and still am a rookie.
But the journey of scraped knees and fashion mishaps
 is a much interesting story to tell.


meet pubescent Asha.
13 y/o, 14 y/o, 16 y/o
 The first thing I dealt with as a major
appearance change was my eye sight.
Away with the glasses, in with contact lenses!
A life saviour. 
No more sweat dripping summers
with my glasses slowly slipping off my nose.
Then, my parents helped me deal with my teeth.

Here's me looking like I succeed academically.
Which I didn't.
It was an award for being No.1 in my whole grade 
in our English exam.

Every year.


On the subject of school,
my 23 year old self misses it.
But I know if I were given the chance to go back,
I wouldn't.
Because the experience I had was irreplaceable.
I wouldn't do anything differently.

No test I would have actually studied for.
No friend I would have unmet.
No class I would have not slept.

public study rooms we never took seriously.
no studying was really ever accomplished.

Shocking that is,
I was ever part of the computer class though.
I even CHOSE this class VOLUNTARILY.

It was either that or art class.
And we both know,
I knew nothing about art.
But then again,
I knew nothing about computers.
Binary what?

10 boys 5 girls.
I made the right choice.

you know how far back I'm going
when these moments were worth a picture.

No pictures with my face to prove that I was a confused teenager
with fashion issues and severe teenage personality complex?!

My love for Liverpool FC
especially toward Fernando Torres

Stevie G baby, it's all you now 

Why I/we thought this was a good idea for a picture,
I'll never know.

and this one 

The picture above is a picture
of me and one of my students
who I taught at a tutorial center.

Teaching English is always more fun with a 11 year old.

a 17 year old girl with a steady pay check 
still needs her girls,
and a favourite shirt which one of her best girl has too.

the innocent age of sober kareoke 
and sober anything really
came to a stop.

drunken alcoholic antics ensued.
by the way,
can you tell I'm wearing 
the same shirt in the two pictures above
as well as the on the left picture below?

I really loved that shirt.

I didn't even know how to put my own makeup on.
so drunk,
sooo drunk.

Needless to say
I don't remember much from those nights.

The next chapter of my life -
I went to England for a year.

here's a picture of costa in the background
to prove I was there.

Did I mention the shirt?

Alcohol man,
it doesn't make you,
it just breaks you.

It was fine the first few months,
yet the appeal of having mindless fun
inevitably grew cold.

my liver couldn't take it.
and to be honest,
even mentally
I couldn't take it.

Picture on left -
Yes, I have one of those embarrassing chav-esque pictures
with a bottle to my lips
like I was so cool.
second of all,

I had this thing, 
this "style",
a theory
if you will - 
That after I turned 18,
I didn't need to compensate with dressing
older than I actually was.
If my ID said I was legal,
why bother dressing up?
I preferred being un-stylishly comfortable.
It is a choice I have never regretted.

I already conformed to drinking alcohol with the masses,
leave me and my fashion choices alone.

Whilst in England,
I had already started my youtube channel,
so what else was there to do?

I dyed my hair red.

on the other side of things,
I absolutely loved my flatmates/host family.
I didn't need any alcohol around them,
everything was so simple and sober.
I remember all the good times.

outside of bournemouth
these two were also life saviours,
a good healthy balance of alcohol and friendship
with a pinch of harry potter fandom.

And till this day,
I think we all need friends like that.
People who you don't require any other substance
to keep things interesting.
So effortless.

I went home.
Back to Hong Kong.
Who was I kidding?
I couldn't stay away.

Fashion wise,
nothing changed.
Already 19 and still I chose to wear
a black t shirt with an orange skull on it.
with white shorts,
just in case it wasn't bad enough.

Only gone a year,
my girls were having babies!

Speaking as a 19 year old girl,
to another 19 year old girl,
who makes the big, life changing decision
to become a mother at 19.
I truly admire you.
I don't care how you got pregnant,
you might have been caught in the moment,
you might have planned it.
despite reasons,
I admire you for choosing to become a mother so soon.
The sacrifices and the responsibility
still frighten me at 23.

You gave birth to a human being.
holy crap,
500 bad ass life points to you.

She trusted me with her new born son,
I think that says a lot about how I had matured.

I was 20 when this  picture was taken,
not much had changed.

maybe a tad wiser,
less alcohol,
better t shirt choices.

So yeah,
that's basically it.
It's almost another year,
and I'm still growing.
And so are you.
You're probably wearing the wrong stuff now,
but you'll look back and see how much you've improved.
You're learning.
There really are no mistakes when you look back.
Because it brought you to where you are now.

And I think,
it's somewhere you should be.

2014  October - Grand Canyon by Caro Pak


previous chapter


  1. It's awesome and interesting to see how a person grow. When i was reading it, it made me to think of my teenage life as well. I'm 21 right now and i think it's time for me to review my teenage life as well. To see what my old "style" was.XD To see what i've been through.
    BTW i love very much, also your personality (p.s. even i'm not one of your friend, but i can feel it!) love u and support u XOXO <3

  2. Even though this post is for "girls", I really enjoyed reading it. I was just too curious to ignore it haha. It was fun to read it, as I was smiling while reading it. I can relate to the change of style over the years. But its not only this post that I enjoyed. I love reading/watching every blog post and video. They are so good and such an inspiration for me. It changed my life in a good way. I really appreciate that and I wanted to Thank you for that. It's almost New year, and I guess I don't have another way to wish you Happy Newyear. So, I will give you my early "Happy Newyear!" wishes! May you have a great 2015!

    Love you x

    Ps: you are really cute and awesome in those pics. No need to be embarassed :) and I look forward to your video Asha