for anyone

it sometimes becomes quite difficult

to come up with blog/writing ideas when

i'm trying to plan youtube videos weekly.

squeezing every drop of creative juice

this week,

a blog post for everybody.

i was watching this program on Netflix,

about kids under 18 who go through the

"american scare program"

a program designed to scare adolescent delinquents

delinquent adolescences

either one,

grammar nazi me.

parents bring them to a local prison/jail
allowing inmates/prison guards to scare and bully
the sh*t out of them.

anyway,

it got me thinking about negativity.

more so,

the opportunities life gives you

to avoid and rid yourself of negativity.

especially,

people of negativity.

i've had numerous encounters with this type of people,

so far back that I remember my first was in kindergarten!

KINDERGARTEN

can you imagine?

okayokay,

so this girl,

she was a trouble maker from the beginning.

one of my mums, then, 'close' friends daughters.

and my god was she trouble.

at the age of 5, 6

she'd make me skip classes,

hide in the toilets
hang out till the bell rang.

by the time we were in primary school,

again she had me cutting classes,

skipping tutorial lessons,

she'd make me late for everything,

lie to me about how she got her money

her toys, her makeup, her clothes.

she'd always share so i never really got suspicious.

one time,

we had guest staying at the house

and they had lost 300 hkd but we (the kids) had no idea

until it was too late.

earlier that day this girl came to us and said

her dad gave her this bunch of money to do whatever

we wanted to do with it.

naturally,

we bought junk food

and lots of it.

then gathering around our favourite spot behind the neighbours house

we tucked in, happy, unhealthy but nonetheless happy.

our filipino mothers caught us,

and gave us the beating of our lives.

not just because she stole the money,

but because we conspired with her

and really, mainly, most importantly,

we were gullible and didn't think for ourselves.

we deserved every blow.

eventually,

i slowly phased her out of my life

but another one was just around the corner

i guess i was 16? 17?

this time, she wasn't trouble

but she had a knack for drama.
we were close, it was fun
it was comfortable, she got jokes i thought were funny
we liked the same shitty music but the drama
was just so hard to ignore.
boys this way and that,
parents who didn't understand her,
period pains that would  leave her unable to function,
yet not disabling her texting, skype and talking abilities.
she'd screw over my friends
and their boyfriends.
copy and pasting arguments she had with others to me
rich guys who'd walk through fire for her
yet weren't to her standards.
everyday there was something new
never was there a dull moment.
but how much drama is too much drama?

was it me?
was it her?

i just believe
that there will always be people
who bring negativity,
who bring drama.

and we all need to acknowledge them
when they come waltzing into our lives.
don't give it/him/her/them the chance
to deep root and fester.

waltz them out.

   

for the girls / part. dos

adolescence

pubescence

juvenescence

growing up
.



helloooo ladies,
this time I want to take you back,
way back.
waaaaaaaaaaaaay
back.
to bring you to how this girl
became this 23 year old girl.
So if you've been making,
what seems like,
mistakes.

Don't worry,
I probably made them too.

You wore something completely horrid
in public?
That's fine,
I still do.

I know
it doesn't seem like a very christmasy sort of blog
but I'm sick.
I keep taking pills every 4 hours that make me drowsy.
and in a way, it is almost 2015.
a great time to reflect on the past,
to take a peek into the future
and share embarrassing ancient photos of me
to you all.

Let me start you off easy.
I wasn't always like this (see pictures below)
like I knew what I was wearing?

HA!

Let you in a little secret.
The outfit I'm wearing in the first picture
was sponsored, and I had to return it.

In the Alexander Wang event pictures,
I went around Hong Kong scrambling through affordable shops,
two hours before the event might I add,
looking for a decent outfit that would say
"it doesn't look H&M but it's definitely not a McQueen"
It was from Zara.
The heels on the other hand
were in fact from H&M.

Sweating in a public toilet,
in the disabled persons cubicle
plastering on layers of makeup
trying to make my 10 minute deadline to the event.

Moving along.
We've established that I was and still am a rookie.
But the journey of scraped knees and fashion mishaps
 is a much interesting story to tell.

          

Internet,

meet pubescent Asha.

13 y/o, 14 y/o, 16 y/o

 The first thing I dealt with as a major

appearance change was my eye sight.

Away with the glasses, in with contact lenses!

A life saviour. 

No more sweat dripping summers

with my glasses slowly slipping off my nose.

Then, my parents helped me deal with my teeth.

Here's me looking like I succeed academically.

Which I didn't.

It was an award for being No.1 in my whole grade 

in our English exam.

Every year.

Awkward.

On the subject of school,

my 23 year old self misses it.

But I know if I were given the chance to go back,

I wouldn't.

Because the experience I had was irreplaceable.

I wouldn't do anything differently.

No test I would have actually studied for.

No friend I would have unmet.

No class I would have not slept.

public study rooms we never took seriously.

no studying was really ever accomplished.

Shocking that is,

I was ever part of the computer class though.

I even CHOSE this class VOLUNTARILY.

It was either that or art class.

And we both know,

I knew nothing about art.

But then again,

I knew nothing about computers.

Binary what?

10 boys 5 girls.

clearly,

I made the right choice.

Now,

you know how far back I'm going

when these moments were worth a picture.

Wait

No pictures with my face to prove that I was a confused teenager

with fashion issues and severe teenage personality complex?!

BEHOLD!

My love for Liverpool FC

especially toward Fernando Torres

before HEBROKEMYHEART

MAY HE FOREVER

ROT IN FOOTBALLHELLLLLLLLLLLLL

Stevie G baby, it's all you now ♥

Why I/we thought this was a good idea for a picture,

I'll never know.

Oh 

and this one 

↓

The picture above is a picture

of me and one of my students

who I taught at a tutorial center.

Teaching English is always more fun with a 11 year old.

a 17 year old girl with a steady pay check 

still needs her girls,

and a favourite shirt which one of her best girl has too.

Sadly,

the innocent age of sober kareoke 

and sober anything really

came to a stop.

drunken alcoholic antics ensued.

by the way,

can you tell I'm wearing 

the same shirt in the two pictures above

as well as the on the left picture below?

I really loved that shirt.

I didn't even know how to put my own makeup on.

so drunk,

sooo drunk.

Needless to say

I don't remember much from those nights.

The next chapter of my life -

I went to England for a year.

here's a picture of costa in the background

to prove I was there.

↑

Did I mention the shirt?

Alcohol man,

it doesn't make you,

it just breaks you.

It was fine the first few months,

yet the appeal of having mindless fun

inevitably grew cold.

physically

my liver couldn't take it.

and to be honest,

even mentally

I couldn't take it.

Picture on left -

Yes, I have one of those embarrassing chav-esque pictures

with a bottle to my lips

like I was so cool.

second of all,

DO YOU EVEN SEE WHAT I'M WEARING?

I had this thing, 

this "style",

a theory

if you will - 

That after I turned 18,

I didn't need to compensate with dressing

older than I actually was.

If my ID said I was legal,

why bother dressing up?

I preferred being un-stylishly comfortable.

It is a choice I have never regretted.

I already conformed to drinking alcohol with the masses,

leave me and my fashion choices alone.

Whilst in England,

bored,

I had already started my youtube channel,

so what else was there to do?

I dyed my hair red.

on the other side of things,

I absolutely loved my flatmates/host family.

I didn't need any alcohol around them,

everything was so simple and sober.

I remember all the good times.

outside of bournemouth

these two were also life saviours,

a good healthy balance of alcohol and friendship

with a pinch of harry potter fandom.

And till this day,

I think we all need friends like that.

People who you don't require any other substance

to keep things interesting.

So effortless.

✈

Eventually,

I went home.

Back to Hong Kong.

Who was I kidding?

I couldn't stay away.

Fashion wise,

nothing changed.

Already 19 and still I chose to wear

a black t shirt with an orange skull on it.

with white shorts,

just in case it wasn't bad enough.

Only gone a year,

my girls were having babies!

Speaking as a 19 year old girl,

to another 19 year old girl,

who makes the big, life changing decision

to become a mother at 19.

I truly admire you.

I don't care how you got pregnant,

you might have been caught in the moment,

you might have planned it.

despite reasons,

I admire you for choosing to become a mother so soon.

The sacrifices and the responsibility

still frighten me at 23.

You gave birth to a human being.

holy crap,

500 bad ass life points to you.

She trusted me with her new born son,

I think that says a lot about how I had matured.

I was 20 when this ↓ picture was taken,

not much had changed.

maybe a tad wiser,

less alcohol,

better t shirt choices.

obviously.

So yeah,

that's basically it.

It's almost another year,

and I'm still growing.

And so are you.

You're probably wearing the wrong stuff now,

but you'll look back and see how much you've improved.

You're learning.

There really are no mistakes when you look back.

Because it brought you to where you are now.

And I think,

it's somewhere you should be.

2014  October - Grand Canyon by Caro Pak

*

previous chapter

for the girls / part uno

lashes & wishes

There once was a little girl who wanted too many wishes.
And everyone knows,
you can't wish for more wishes
unless you obtain the first wish
to wish for more wishes.

This is the story of that little girl who wanted too many wishes.

One day, while dancing to songs in her head in father's study,
she bumped into a bookcase
and a large book fell with a firm thud.
A book about mystical myths and how to conjure them for fun.
She discovered a secret no little girl should know,
especially a little girl who wanted the world.

The book spoke to her about kings and queens who conquered kingdoms,
emperors with bad tempers who ruled over dynasties.
A millenium of mistakes corrected by a wish made over the next century.

It may sound foolish to a non-believer
but to gain power of wishes was really quite simple.
Hardly a sacrifice required.
A single fallen eyelash held the power of a wish.
Place it on your finger tip, think hard and long,
blow gently and make that lucky lash airborne.

This little girl could barely believe what she had read.
An eyelash? She had them.
Many in fact.
Now all she had to do was wait for a fallen.

The very next morning, as she woke and rubbed her eyes
an eyelash was found by her pillow side!
Practically giddy and head full of flight,
this little girl had her sights set high.

She decided to be cautious and not waste her one wish on wishing for more wishes,
because she didn't know if wishing for that would make her wish invalid!
Why risk it all when she still had so many lashes that would soon come falling?

She wished for a pony and poof! there it popped.
But, come on, let's be real here,
that little girl, like most little girls
quickly got bored.
Well everyone guessed right now,
She then rubbed some more.

She rubbed and rubbed, then rubbed some more.
Wish after wish, these lashes brought.
She got rid of the queen, a sultan, the president too.
Vladimir Putin?
He disappeared too.

This little girl became an Empress, with no idea on how to rule.
She just kept plucking until her lash pores turned blue.
"I wish for the boy, who said I looked fat,
to climb the highest mountain,
and never come back."

She lifted her finger, with the plucked lash on its tip,
thought long and hard but blew roughly so the wish would be quick.

Oh no! Too late! What happened next?
This little girl forgot to check.
To check around her eyes, guess what she found?
No more lashes growing out! Not one!
Rubbed too much or maybe plucked too hard,
Sadly she didn't know,
eye lashes for wishing are supposed to fall out.
So many were plucked too soon with barely a root,
not enough time for wishing magic to come true.

Poor little girl, also forgot
to read the small print on the back and the front.
Because if she did she would have known,
lashes and wishes both need time to grow.

You see,
when a lash falls out, all on its own,
it's actually the Universe saying
you deserve a wish, go on, blow.
Now everyone knows,
the Universe won't stand for things unfair,
even little girls like this one won't be spared.

What eventually happened to her,
this no one knows.

I'm sorry that the next part doesn't quite rhyme,
but reality sometimes just isn't that kind.

Safe to say, I think I'm right
that she's been
exiled into a lashless-oblivion.

https://www.facebook.com/itsashaetc/videos/1575699345981176/