for the girls / part. dos


growing up

helloooo ladies,
this time I want to take you back,
way back.
to bring you to how this girl
became this 23 year old girl.
So if you've been making,
what seems like,

Don't worry,
I probably made them too.

You wore something completely horrid
in public?
That's fine,
I still do.

I know
it doesn't seem like a very christmasy sort of blog
but I'm sick.
I keep taking pills every 4 hours that make me drowsy.
and in a way, it is almost 2015.
a great time to reflect on the past,
to take a peek into the future
and share embarrassing ancient photos of me
to you all.

Let me start you off easy.
I wasn't always like this (see pictures below)
like I knew what I was wearing?


Let you in a little secret.
The outfit I'm wearing in the first picture
was sponsored, and I had to return it.

In the Alexander Wang event pictures,
I went around Hong Kong scrambling through affordable shops,
two hours before the event might I add,
looking for a decent outfit that would say
"it doesn't look H&M but it's definitely not a McQueen"
It was from Zara.
The heels on the other hand
were in fact from H&M.

Sweating in a public toilet,
in the disabled persons cubicle
plastering on layers of makeup
trying to make my 10 minute deadline to the event.

Moving along.
We've established that I was and still am a rookie.
But the journey of scraped knees and fashion mishaps
 is a much interesting story to tell.


meet pubescent Asha.
13 y/o, 14 y/o, 16 y/o
 The first thing I dealt with as a major
appearance change was my eye sight.
Away with the glasses, in with contact lenses!
A life saviour. 
No more sweat dripping summers
with my glasses slowly slipping off my nose.
Then, my parents helped me deal with my teeth.

Here's me looking like I succeed academically.
Which I didn't.
It was an award for being No.1 in my whole grade 
in our English exam.

Every year.


On the subject of school,
my 23 year old self misses it.
But I know if I were given the chance to go back,
I wouldn't.
Because the experience I had was irreplaceable.
I wouldn't do anything differently.

No test I would have actually studied for.
No friend I would have unmet.
No class I would have not slept.

public study rooms we never took seriously.
no studying was really ever accomplished.

Shocking that is,
I was ever part of the computer class though.
I even CHOSE this class VOLUNTARILY.

It was either that or art class.
And we both know,
I knew nothing about art.
But then again,
I knew nothing about computers.
Binary what?

10 boys 5 girls.
I made the right choice.

you know how far back I'm going
when these moments were worth a picture.

No pictures with my face to prove that I was a confused teenager
with fashion issues and severe teenage personality complex?!

My love for Liverpool FC
especially toward Fernando Torres

Stevie G baby, it's all you now 

Why I/we thought this was a good idea for a picture,
I'll never know.

and this one 

The picture above is a picture
of me and one of my students
who I taught at a tutorial center.

Teaching English is always more fun with a 11 year old.

a 17 year old girl with a steady pay check 
still needs her girls,
and a favourite shirt which one of her best girl has too.

the innocent age of sober kareoke 
and sober anything really
came to a stop.

drunken alcoholic antics ensued.
by the way,
can you tell I'm wearing 
the same shirt in the two pictures above
as well as the on the left picture below?

I really loved that shirt.

I didn't even know how to put my own makeup on.
so drunk,
sooo drunk.

Needless to say
I don't remember much from those nights.

The next chapter of my life -
I went to England for a year.

here's a picture of costa in the background
to prove I was there.

Did I mention the shirt?

Alcohol man,
it doesn't make you,
it just breaks you.

It was fine the first few months,
yet the appeal of having mindless fun
inevitably grew cold.

my liver couldn't take it.
and to be honest,
even mentally
I couldn't take it.

Picture on left -
Yes, I have one of those embarrassing chav-esque pictures
with a bottle to my lips
like I was so cool.
second of all,

I had this thing, 
this "style",
a theory
if you will - 
That after I turned 18,
I didn't need to compensate with dressing
older than I actually was.
If my ID said I was legal,
why bother dressing up?
I preferred being un-stylishly comfortable.
It is a choice I have never regretted.

I already conformed to drinking alcohol with the masses,
leave me and my fashion choices alone.

Whilst in England,
I had already started my youtube channel,
so what else was there to do?

I dyed my hair red.

on the other side of things,
I absolutely loved my flatmates/host family.
I didn't need any alcohol around them,
everything was so simple and sober.
I remember all the good times.

outside of bournemouth
these two were also life saviours,
a good healthy balance of alcohol and friendship
with a pinch of harry potter fandom.

And till this day,
I think we all need friends like that.
People who you don't require any other substance
to keep things interesting.
So effortless.

I went home.
Back to Hong Kong.
Who was I kidding?
I couldn't stay away.

Fashion wise,
nothing changed.
Already 19 and still I chose to wear
a black t shirt with an orange skull on it.
with white shorts,
just in case it wasn't bad enough.

Only gone a year,
my girls were having babies!

Speaking as a 19 year old girl,
to another 19 year old girl,
who makes the big, life changing decision
to become a mother at 19.
I truly admire you.
I don't care how you got pregnant,
you might have been caught in the moment,
you might have planned it.
despite reasons,
I admire you for choosing to become a mother so soon.
The sacrifices and the responsibility
still frighten me at 23.

You gave birth to a human being.
holy crap,
500 bad ass life points to you.

She trusted me with her new born son,
I think that says a lot about how I had matured.

I was 20 when this  picture was taken,
not much had changed.

maybe a tad wiser,
less alcohol,
better t shirt choices.

So yeah,
that's basically it.
It's almost another year,
and I'm still growing.
And so are you.
You're probably wearing the wrong stuff now,
but you'll look back and see how much you've improved.
You're learning.
There really are no mistakes when you look back.
Because it brought you to where you are now.

And I think,
it's somewhere you should be.

2014  October - Grand Canyon by Caro Pak


previous chapter


lashes & wishes

There once was a little girl who wanted too many wishes.
And everyone knows,
you can't wish for more wishes
unless you obtain the first wish
to wish for more wishes.

This is the story of that little girl who wanted too many wishes.

One day, while dancing to songs in her head in father's study,
she bumped into a bookcase
and a large book fell with a firm thud.
A book about mystical myths and how to conjure them for fun.
She discovered a secret no little girl should know,
especially a little girl who wanted the world.

The book spoke to her about kings and queens who conquered kingdoms,
emperors with bad tempers who ruled over dynasties.
A millenium of mistakes corrected by a wish made over the next century.

It may sound foolish to a non-believer
but to gain power of wishes was really quite simple.
Hardly a sacrifice required.
A single fallen eyelash held the power of a wish.
Place it on your finger tip, think hard and long,
blow gently and make that lucky lash airborne.

This little girl could barely believe what she had read.
An eyelash? She had them.
Many in fact.
Now all she had to do was wait for a fallen.

The very next morning, as she woke and rubbed her eyes
an eyelash was found by her pillow side!
Practically giddy and head full of flight,
this little girl had her sights set high.

She decided to be cautious and not waste her one wish on wishing for more wishes,
because she didn't know if wishing for that would make her wish invalid!
Why risk it all when she still had so many lashes that would soon come falling?

She wished for a pony and poof! there it popped.
But, come on, let's be real here,
that little girl, like most little girls
quickly got bored.
Well everyone guessed right now,
She then rubbed some more.

She rubbed and rubbed, then rubbed some more.
Wish after wish, these lashes brought.
She got rid of the queen, a sultan, the president too.
Vladimir Putin?
He disappeared too.

This little girl became an Empress, with no idea on how to rule.
She just kept plucking until her lash pores turned blue.
"I wish for the boy, who said I looked fat,
to climb the highest mountain,
and never come back."

She lifted her finger, with the plucked lash on its tip,
thought long and hard but blew roughly so the wish would be quick.

Oh no! Too late! What happened next?
This little girl forgot to check.
To check around her eyes, guess what she found?
No more lashes growing out! Not one!
Rubbed too much or maybe plucked too hard,
Sadly she didn't know,
eye lashes for wishing are supposed to fall out.
So many were plucked too soon with barely a root,
not enough time for wishing magic to come true.

Poor little girl, also forgot
to read the small print on the back and the front.
Because if she did she would have known,
lashes and wishes both need time to grow.

You see,
when a lash falls out, all on its own,
it's actually the Universe saying
you deserve a wish, go on, blow.
Now everyone knows,
the Universe won't stand for things unfair,
even little girls like this one won't be spared.

What eventually happened to her,
this no one knows.

I'm sorry that the next part doesn't quite rhyme,
but reality sometimes just isn't that kind.

Safe to say, I think I'm right
that she's been
exiled into a lashless-oblivion.